“Empower me to exercise the authority of honesty, and be a participant in the difficult ordinariness of now” Ted Loder
What makes you different? We are all different from one another and oftentimes our own differences make us feel isolated from those around us. I know that I can relate to this, especially while living in small cities in Colombia.
Once people hear my foreign accent they soon ask me where I’m from, followed by several other prying questions. I’ve even had people ask to take pictures with me to show others that they met a “gringa.” Here in Colombia, it is my foreignness, my gringo-ness that is the first standout difference that I possess.
The next one that comes up almost immediately is my relationship status. Every man here seems interested in if I have a boyfriend and many women ask this as well. This is a tougher question for me to talk about. I’m gay and so deciding how to answer if I have a boyfriend and why not is not so straightforward. Usually, I just say I’m single and try to leave it at that. Once I do decide to open up to someone and tell them about my sexuality, it’s a make or break moment- I feel much closer to someone after telling them who I am and if they accept me and treat me the same, our relationship moves to another level; however, some people have problems with it and so our relationship breaks apart.
It depends on the person and the situation when and if I talk about my gayness. There have been friends that I’ve told after months of knowing them and I’ve told relative strangers after meeting only an hour prior. Making the decision to tell someone is not just a quick “I’m gay” statement. Questions always follow- many many questions. Sometimes these questions last just for the day and sometimes for months I’ll be answering questions and discussing topics related to gays. For some people, I’m the first lesbian they’ve ever met so I’m the expert to them and therefore it’s my duty to inform them about these strange ways. This task of being a lesbian informant is not a position I always want, but it’s something I must accept to try to help others understand me and others like me.
My third standout difference is that I’m a vegetarian, mostly. I try to only eat veggies, fruits, and legumes. This choice is something people in Colombia have a difficult time understanding, especially in Villavicencio. People ask me about why I’m vegetarian and have a false belief that everyone should eat meat for health. I do my best to explain that I’d rather not eat animals since I don’t need to. I enjoy beans and other protein sources, so there’s no need for me to kill and eat animals. I often see confused faces looking back at me, but I don’t enjoy discussing this in too much detail so I try to keep my answer condensed.
I am not always quick to embrace my differences, my unique, “abnormal” traits, but I’m working on accepting them and being more open about who I am. This is a process and I’m becoming more open each time that I have an honest conversation with someone and feel accepted for being my real, unique self.
Marrux 